Wallpaper entitled "Hope"

From SpookyWallpapers

Friday, January 15, 2010

Locked up...

Having grown up with a mother who was distant, imagine my surprise when she called this week to ask me to go with her to a dinner/speaker event. We do very little together. There is also the fact that at one point in my past, my family kicked me out. Out of the family. Really. It's quite a long story which I won't go into now. Of course, their side of the story is not like mine at all. They did it with love, out of concern for me. Right.

It took me a long time before I could even have any contact with them, and then to have that contact be meaningful in the least. I was the oldest and the only girl in a family that was "old school." I didn't even realize that until much later in life when I started looking back to try and make sense of it. By "old school," I mean that males mattered more than females. There's probably a nice word like "patriarchal" to describe the situation, but I've also been told my family was chauvinistic. I was floored by the comment and, or course, vehemently denied it. It wasn't too long before I realized how wrong I had been.

I think I may have been cherished before my two brothers came along, but I was so young that I don't remember much at all. I do know that my mother told me that she "had no idea what to do with you since you were so strong-willed and stubborn." I got locked in the closet several times. See, it all comes back to that surfeit of emotions that seem to define so much of my life. I feel everything so deeply and passionately, and when those feelings emerge, they sometimes can be explosive. Apparently, even at a young age.

Too bad the concept of "time out" wasn't around then. Then again, I probably wasn't a "time out" kind of kid. It's doubtful that a mere chair would have had any affect on me. But who knows what damage that locked closet caused?

Maybe that's why I have such a fascination for old doors and keys.

(Image used in this post is by ErinGarrisonDesign at Etsy and is entitled "Waiting to be Unlocked.")

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