Stay calm, don't panic...

I know I've come a long way from where I was several months ago because this week I've gone back to work. Yep, me, back to help them with some reports that needed to be rechecked. They have been calling me for months, but I haven't had much success at it before now. I've been every day so far this week, and I'm going back today and probably tomorrow. I'm standing here beside of myself. Whoa, bad line--where did I hear it? Seriously, I am amazed that I've been able to do it. Just have to keep pushing.

The biggest thorn in my side right now is my other half. He has been out of school for three weeks, and he will be out again next week. TV on day and night, constantly on the computer. Heaven forbid if he ever retires. I will have to run away from home for sure.

I also have a friend who called me this week to let me know that she was setting up an Etsy store. She wanted me to help her with the technical aspects of listing. Me?? Obviously, she has no idea that I can barely logon without help. I'll be glad to do whatever I can, but I told her not to hold her breath. She is a fiber jewelry artist who uses vintage items in her creations. I've been wearing her pieces for 20 years. Beauties, each and every one.

Well, although I've been in a sad state of cracked and broken for awhile, it looks like I've returned, perhaps temporarily, to calm...

(Image is from Etsy artist livingferal and is a collage entitled "keep calm and carry on" "when you've nothing left to lose, and are past the point of no return...")

So shoot me...

Well, my family vacation was a bust. More on that later. The head doctor who has been treating me for about ten years retired recently. I have seen the doctor who she recommended one time, but I really didn't click with her. The old doc was low key, wore her medical jacket and did not ask me to talk. The new one looks like a glamour girl, all matchy-matchy with really red lipstick and said she couldn't help me if I didn't want to talk. Sheesh. I couldn't help it that I didn't want to talk. It was a bad day. What's the point in seeing her if she can't deal with my bad days? So, I'm in the process of trying to decide if I need to find a new doctor. The determining factor may be my insurance, which is surely the most stupid thing ever invented. Pay a boat-load of money for something that doesn't pay for mental health stuff. Sure, have a real illness like high blood pressure or diabetes and only pay a small co-payment. Period. Like $20. And yes, I do get my medications at substantial savings, but it's a shame that the insurance companies don't consider mental health an issue. Never mind that over half of the population is being treated for some kind of mental health problem. And I have mixed feelings about national health care. Another thing to address later. But really, I'm pretty frustrated right now with the whole system.

Wouldn't it be better to make it easier for people to be treated for their mental health than to wait until they go off the deep end and start shooting?

(Image used is by one of my favorite Etsy artists, Margaux of TheBlackSpotBooks. She makes the most amazing tiny, usable books, then creates jewelry with them. She also has some haunting photography. This is one of those, entitled "The Falling and The Gathering of the Leaves III." When she was a featured artist, I learned that she lives in a mid-1800s home that once belonged to a bootlegger; she "romps" around the world with her husband and son; she used to wake up before dawn and ask her brother "Do you want to make stuff?"; she and her husband mapped out a plan to live at sea (which she loves, by the way), and they dream of "making things whilst out in the water and visiting the world from the inside out." Wouldn't we all love to be in this woman's world?)

(PS--I couldn't bring myself to post an actual "gun" or "shooting" photo although there are many from which to choose. There's already way too much violence in the world to promote it.)

A good time was had by most...

I'm heading off to the beach tomorrow for our annual family vacation. Everyone else made it there on Monday. I tried to go earlier this week as well but couldn't do it. I had a difficult time with my family ten or eleven years ago. The result was that I was unable to see them or talk to them for over two years. I still have a lot of trouble with extended time together. I don't remember if I've ever given any of the details in this journal, but I won't go into them now.

If I do, I might change my mind and not go at all.

(Image used is entitled "Vacation" and is a photograph taken at the beach where I am going. It's by PaulettePhotography and is just one of the many pictures she's taken where she lives in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. She has a lot of amazing animal photos, too.)

Slowly but surely...

Okay, I don't know who I was kidding, but I really haven't been able to start everything in my "better health plan" this week. I've made several changes, but all of them? No way. I guess I'm going into it gradually since that's what my brain seems to be doing. Some things have been easy to change, and those are the ones I've started on. Why do I always save the hardest for last?? The good news is that I am trying! I lied when I told my doctor I could do it all this week, but she said I should be able to do it all this week. Who was she kidding?

I can only change a few pieces of me at a time...

(Image by OutsideTheBoxArt at Etsy entitled "Funky Face.")