Monday, December 28, 2009
Pain and heartache have been with me for as long as I can remember. Not physical pain, emotional pain. There were times when I thought I would die from it. Too many disappointments and failures piled up over a lifetime. Now I am here in The Place, and something has died. A part of me. Something that defined me in a certain way. Does that death constitute a failure? I'm told it is a natural thing, certainly an expected thing. Why has it been something with which I was not prepared to deal? Too much left unsaid by those who should have told me. Too many circumstances that brought this too early. It has created its own pain and heartache, and along with what was already there, I fell. I think I am probably still falling. Alice says not to worry, that there will be a stopping point. Is real life like dreams? Will I die when I hit the ground?
(Image used in this post is by DarklingWoods at Etsy and is entitled "Down the Rabbit Hole, Falling.")
Sunday, December 27, 2009
I wrote about the beginning of my adventure in my last post. However, I realize that it wasn't really a beginning at all. It could have been considered an end. It certainly felt that way for awhile. It might have been more of a change of direction along life's highway. I know it has changed me. It has caused an upheaval in my life the likes of which I have never experienced. It made me consider the scope of my life in terms of good and bad, ups and downs, and of successes and failures. Early on, I saw nothing good and no successes, only a series of failures that I could hardly endure considering. There was so much pain in the events themselves, and reviewing them was all the more painful. I think that is really how I found The Place. I was alone there for awhile, seeing that landscape before me and frozen in fear. It was only when Dorothy and Alice arrived that I was able to relax a little bit. I'm not usually good in social settings, but really, Dorothy is such an old friend that I immediately felt comfortable. I had met Alice once or twice, but that was many years ago, and I hadn't thought of her since. As companions go, I could not have found better. They have been able to draw on their own adventures and have helped my struggle in The Place to be less difficult. Don't get the wrong idea--it still isn't easy. I doubt it will ever be easy. I'm just hoping for less pain.
(The image used in this post is from BestArtStudio2 at Etsy and is entitled "Heartache and Poetry XVI.")
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Having nothing better to do one fine afternoon, I found myself drifting to a Place which I cannot quite describe. It was unusual, to be certain. Some might even say weird or strange. I felt, however, right at home here. Directly before me were swirling emotions and memories with which I could interact. The main area in which I stood was empty, much to my relief. There was a small table with chairs, and it was set up for a tea party, complete with place settings and names. Reading the cards, I discovered my own name. I was the first to arrive. I sat down and waited on the remaining guests. Imagine my surprise when Dorothy and Alice appeared. I took responsibility of pouring the tea while Alice passed the tray of biscuits. We had a delightful time drinking tea, nibbling on shortbread and sharing thoughts. When the tea and biscuits were gone, we made a pact to meet every week for afternoon tea. We realized that our time together had helped make sense of the craziness of our lives.
It is here that I have chosen to journal the time we spent in that Place in hopes that the adventures of Dorothy, Alice and I might be of help to anyone out there in dealing with their own crazy life. I will record our discussions as well as the projects we undertook. I hope you find them interesting.
(The image used in this post is entitled "Time to Begin," a mixed media collage. It is sold at Etsy and is by LaraBlair."