Wednesday, February 10, 2010
The most recent cycle has run its course, and I am once again back in a low phase. I'm so thankful that I seem to have overcome the trauma symptoms since I have been able to get out and about again. That leaves just the depression, which is much easier to deal with and get past. Easier, of course, being a relative term. On Monday, I felt like everything inside of me was draining out of my pores. Like a balloon that was slowing leaking air, sinking lower and lower. By Tuesday, I was completely empty. I couldn't focus, couldn't think. I actually didn't even feel anything. No energy, no thoughts, no emotions. It is a relief to feel nothing. And although I am like a chrysalis, the inanimate shell, I know that somewhere inside I am gaining strength to face another day.
Now that I am past the trauma, I think a New Place has been created. A Place where I can find restful sleep instead of being overwhelmed. A Place where there is no fear or anxiety. A Place that will shelter and renew. I am so comforted by the knowledge that I have moved on from The Place. It will always be there in case it is needed. But knowing that I don't have to stay there encourages and motivates me to keep pushing myself. Well, probably not pushing. More like nudging.
(Image used in this post is from dreamthinkspeak.com.)