Wallpaper entitled "Hope"

From SpookyWallpapers

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Too little too late...

I'm finally getting over the exhaustion after my meltdown on Sunday evening. That was some night. My other half was truly shocked at my explosion of emotion. I certainly hadn't planned it, but I guess it was a good thing since it opened his eyes a bit.

Last night I saw a commercial for a hormone replacement center that helps treat "those who have lost the joy of life." After the experiences of last year, I definitely lost that joy. Going through the struggle with constant bleeding, all the tests to determine what was wrong and finding out I was post menopausal probably due to the extreme stress, a kind of forced post menopause. That pretty much made me lose it. The loss of joy, I mean. I really struggled for a few months trying to accept that what fundamentally makes me a female was dead. And it wasn't a silent struggle. I know I talked to my other half several times. However, interestingly enough, last night he once again proved that he and I are miles apart.

After I saw the commercial, I made the comment that maybe I should try to make an appointment. He asked me why I needed help with my hormones. I asked him if he truly didn't know, and he said, "I'm really sorry but I don't." Knock me over with a feather.

I'm married to a man who doesn't listen to me or hear what I'm saying. And all I really feel is sadness for the years I've given to someone who hasn't been there.

(Image used is entitled "Listen to What They Tell You" and is by lineanongrate at Etsy."


  1. Linda, I don't know what to say, as I'm not going to pretend I know how you feel. I myself don't have any close friends that I can rely on, so I do know what it's like to feel utterly alone when you're just looking for someone to understand you. I hope that writing your blog helps you a little, as I find that venting into the unknown at least lets my frustrations be said/written aloud. And I hope that you find something to smile about today.

  2. You always know just the right thing to say. It is good to express myself and my feelings through this blog. It helps me work through the difficulties. Knowing that there is someone out there "listening" is a good feeling. And your comment made me smile, so many thanks to you for that!!

  3. Oops, I forgot to say thanks for keeping up with me and caring. It means a lot.