Friday, March 19, 2010
I ain't going 'til the fat lady gets skinny...
Okay, so it's Friday morning, and I still haven't made it into work this week. Supposed to be there on Monday. Hhmmm, just a bit late. I'm trying to rev myself up for the trip by including a few side ventures that are more appealing. I found out yesterday that I am the most requested "most wanted to see" teacher for the high school "Classes of the 80's Reunion" coming up in April. Most requested by far above any other teacher. Did the lady that called make this up? She even wanted a confirmed RSVP that I would be attending so she could announce it since it would mean more alums would come. Huh?? ME?? I admit that I loved teaching at first. I got so burned out that I had to quit. But I loved the kids. Since I was still single, I was cheerleader sponsor, student gov sponsor, FCA sponsor. Had the FCA group over for dinner, made them waffles one morning, took them ice skating. I mean, I really did love these kids. I got the reunion invitation in January and hadn't given this event one nano-second of thought. Wasn't going, no way, no how. So back to the appealing side trips idea. If I go to this thing--big, big if--what in the heck do I wear? Who am I kidding? They probably wouldn't recognize me. I'm 30 years older and fatter. I need to schedule some lipo immediately, but won't since I can't afford it. Notice that the idea of plastic surgery isn't the thing that stops me. Wait, it can't be lipo, it has to be skin removal. I have extra belly skin from losing 50+ pounds years ago. Okay, I have a friend who owns a shop and she sells these jeans that are supposed to make a person look two sizes smaller. I've never given these any thought before since they cost over $200. However, when compared to the cost of lipo or surgery, it's a mere pittance. That's where I'm thinking of venturing later today. After I go to work. For sure. Most definitely to work first. Maybe I need to run up and join the closest gym and begin an intensive 6-week body makeover. No, no, work first. Can I wear jeans to this reunion? Maybe I should go to the expensive lingerie store in town and buy some of those slimming undergarments that are supposed to work like lipo. Do I even have six weeks? What I really need to do today is get my butt to work. Maybe I should consider a butt lift. I don't really have one to speak of. My boobs are good since I gained weight, they got big, then I lost weight and they didn't. Bonus! But they could use a lift, too. Lord, why don't I know any plastic surgeons?
I'm really going to go to work. Right now. Probably. After I call to see if my friend has any of those jeans.
(Image used is a print of a painting by Nguyen Dong entitled "Fat Lady," and it's found at lenity at Etsy.)