Wallpaper entitled "Hope"

From SpookyWallpapers

Monday, September 13, 2010

Back out of the saddle?

It started with the emails and phone calls about returning to work. I was anxious about going, but I went. Then Dad had surgery. I took the projects home from work so I didn't have to go to the office, but I was still feeling the stress of the deadline. Lost several nights' sleep. Found out Mom's mammogram showed an unidentifiable mass. Tried to work every day but got so anxious that I never got far. More sleepless nights. Feeling more stress. The transmission in my hubby's car blew up. Took it to the shop. Went a week without transportation since he was driving my car. Had to cancel several appointments. Boss is calling because he thought I would be back within a day or two and what's up with why the work isn't finished. A few mild panic attacks.

Stress gets worse. Mom's doctor scheduled her for surgery. On the day of Mom's surgery, Maris, my precious little angel baby, woke up and ate breakfast, then collapsed. We found out that she has a severe case of vertigo, but we thought she had had a stroke. For two hours that morning, I'm a complete wreck. I've never heard of dogs having vertigo, but according to the vet, it is rather common. I've never actually known a person who has had it, either; however, the symptoms are exactly the same--dizziness, nausea, vomiting, uncontrolled eye movements, difficulty standing or moving, etc. Maris spent the entire day at the vet's office. Find out that her recovery will take two to three weeks. That same afternoon, hubby had a doctor's appointment, I was supposed to deliver the work to the accountant, his car was ready to be picked up and Maris had to be picked up at the vet. Super stressed since I couldn't get the work delivered. I thought hubby was going to have a heart attack because of the cost of getting the car fixed as well as the vet bill. I was anxious because he was. He didn't sleep Thursday night. I spent all day Friday crying because Maris was in such a pitiful state. Had hubby deliver the work to the accountant. By Friday night I thought that I was going to have a heart attack.

Unfortunately, I had agreed several weeks ago to help my friend at her annual anniversary sale on Saturday. She owns a clothing boutique at which I used to work. The anniversary sale is a wild and crazy day with a mob of customers and long lines for both the dressing rooms and the checkout counter. I always run the cash register--I am one of the few who can run the register and credit card machine, write out the handwritten receipts and talk to customers all at the same time without making major errors. Of course I do make some, but I apparently I make fewer than others. Or maybe it's because no one else wants to run the register on that day. Who knows. Anyway, it is always a 12+ hour day what with the set up, sale, break down and closing/settling the register. Part of me wanted to call her on Friday and back out, but I knew I wouldn't and couldn't. Feeling so anxious I can't get to sleep. Very bad since I know how hard the next day is going to be.

Got up on Saturday at 5:45 to feed Maris by hand. Later, while getting ready for work, I had a tremendous panic attack, one so bad that I hyperventilated. I was supposed to be at the boutique by 8:30am, but hubby drove me there around 10:00. Thankfully, I was okay once I got behind the counter and focused on the work. By the end of the day, my brain had stopped working. Although I had made a few errors, I had marked the register tape so I could correct them. I think we balanced within a few dollars, which normally is not acceptable to me, but on a day like Saturday, I'll take it! My dear friend gave me a ride home much later in the evening. I finally ate my lunch (?!) and went to bed. Slept until late Sunday afternoon. I went back to bed at 9:00 that night and slept like the dead.

This morning, Maris has shown a little improvement, and I'm the one who is dizzy.

(Image used is entitled "Carousel in Central Park" and can be found at beautifuldarklight at Etsy.)

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